This morning

he told me he is falling in love with me!

5 stages of relationship

1. COURTSHIP

‘Falling in Love’, a very passionate, very romantic, idealised relationship. The challenge at this stage is for each person to allow themselves to become vulnerable, to take the risk that by opening themselves to the other person they may hurt. Usually the partners are blind to any problems and there is no other reality.

2. HONEYMOON

The relationship is happy and stable at this time. The emphasis is on the couple’s ‘sameness’. They do everything together. The challenges are being able to separate enough from their family and developing the expression of their positive emotions, love and sexuality.

3. DIFFERENTIATION

Some differences start to emerge. The couple do less together and more as individuals. Each is able to see aspects of their partner that they may not have seen before. They no longer are perfect. It is a challenge for many people to be able to tolerate the decrease in the intensity of the relationship and an increase in the emotional distance will be perceived as evidence of the partner being selfish, stubborn, uncaring or withdrawn.

4. CONFLICT

It is common during this stage to feel quite disillusioned with your partner and to tend to blame them for any difficulties. ‘If only they would change, everything would be alright.’ There are many challenges to face during this stage, developing the necessary skills:

Express negative emotions to their partner; hurt, anger, fear
Communicate openly and honestly
Raise issues as necessary
Resolve conflicts constructively
Open themselves to self examination and to increase their self awareness
Take responsibility for their own part in the interactions of the relationship
The risks for this stage are that many couples lose faith in each other, lose their sense of hope for the future, deciding that they have ‘fallen out of love’ and decide to separate.

5. MUTUAL INTERDEPENDENCE

This stage is characterised by the following aspects:

Both are able to act independently, feel capable and competent in their own right
Both are able to provide support for their partner when needed
Both partners feel that their needs are being met both physically and emotionally
Both partners are staying in the relationship by choice – not because of expectations of others such as family or religious beliefs or to avoid the fears of leaving.
Both are able to take individual responsibility
The couple should now have increased respect for both themselves and their partner, increased trust in the strength of the relationship and increased hope for the future. The challenge now is for the couple to be flexible and adaptable enough to adjust to all of life’s changes over time. They should be able to tolerate closeness without fearing suffocation.

Happiness

is the state of mind that precisely describes my life today.

Montana

by Gary Johnson

A great many small failures have brought me to this
Dark room where, against the teachings of the church,
I lie in the forgiving dark with you and we kiss
And loosen our clothing and feel the hot urge
Toward nakedness, man's natural destination,
The slow unbuttoning, unclasping, until at last
We lie revealed. The fine sensation
Of you on my skin. A slender woman as vast
As Montana and I am now heading west
On a winding road through the dark contours
Of mountains and into a valley, coming to rest
In a meadow that I recognize as yours.
This is what I drove across North Dakota to find:
This sweet nest. And put all my failed life behind.

1. Trust and be trustworthy. Trust is the backbone of true love. You should never have to doubt him, nor he you. Do not cheat! What does that mean? Anything you wouldn’t want him to do with a third party.

2. Communicate effectively. Men are not from Mars, but there can be misunderstandings between the sexes. So don’t expect him to “just know” what you want; tell him. Don’t talk around your main point. Give him some time to absorb what you are saying. Don’t play passive-aggressive. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or criticism—ask first.

3. Be with him—but be yourself. It’s nice to be open to your man’s interests and opinions, but if you find that you don’t share them, let him pursue them on his own! Don’t start TiVo-ing the U.S. Open just because he keeps a tennis racket in his trunk.

4. Don’t overanalyze. A healthy relationship is organic. If you find yourself constantly analyzing what’s going on between you and your man, either you need to relax and lighten up, or something is amiss. Try the former first. If you find yourself plagued by doubt, suspicion or insecurity, you two might not belong together.

Nervous

I am nervous...

Since I sent out the email invitation this morning, I have been dreadful about the reply. What would he say? How would he respond? At this moment, I am telling myself, be calm, things will turn out to be how they should be.

Be calm. Be calm. Be calm.

was cleaning up the bookshelf, found a card dated nine months ago. remembered i was lookng through the entire apt to look for it. did not know it was hiding there for the entire time. things have changed so much, people have changed too. read the card again, tears dropped on the paper again.