Anger

Here I am, to face the cause of my anger.

One seed of anger comes from that I want to stay single for a bit instead of rushing into anything new. What had happened was a huge deal for me, it weakened my physical being as well as my emotional being. I want to take my time off to figure out me and what happened. I know it is said you will never be able to rationalize about what happened. Nevertheless, I still think staying single for a bit is the wise decision to make...

Having rambled these much, nothing has yet touched the anger part. Here it is. I am angry because he jumped right back into his dating life right away. In a way, I see it as an unrespectful act towards me. My translation is that our relationship does not mean much to him. It is like going to one store, he could not strike a deal there, then closed the door, soon knocked on the next door. There is such a contrast to what I have been enduring. Again, basically, I could not accept the face he does not love me and care about me at all. I still remember his whisper into my right ear: I love you.

The second anger is that he still does not know what he wants. And that is the reason why he wondered from one relationship to another. I am angry because I did not know what about him attracted me at the first place with this hypothesis.

Either way, those are my angers. Maybe they are just another forms of disappointment.

I've struck a few deals with myself.

Deal #1: Every one minute that I think about the happy times between me and him, I shall spend the next two minutes in thinking about the happy times without him.

Deal #2: Every one minute spent on anger or sad, I shall spend two minutes in thinking about other happy things: flowers, plays, dresses, make-up, just those simple mundane things.

Deal #3: Continue to live my life without his existence.